how to be an ally
I've been on the "ally" (I put this in quotes because I feel like it isn't really for me to call myself an ally) path for years at this point. I started my arc circa 2020 after George Floyd was murdered. Since then I've grown and learned a lot about what it means to be an ally, and I still am. After having my understanding reaffirmed after watching videos like this one from F.D. Signifier (which I recommend you go watch for yourself as I think it is applicable not just to black civil rights, but civil rights of other marginalized groups), I think I am at a point now where I can relay what I've learned to other allies. So, here we go.
allyship is the bare minimum
To me, being an "ally" is just the bare minimum for being not a piece of shit. You're not special for being an ally. Being an "ally" is the bare minimum for being a decent person.
stop taking your privilege as a personal attack
This is sort of a common thing I see for a lot of people starting to wake up. They hear about their privilege and have this almost knee-jerk reaction of "I'm not privileged! I grew up poor!" or some other shit like that.
There are different types of privilege, wealth of course being one of them, however if you are white or hetero or male, it doesn't matter where you come from, privilege works in your favor in ways that not even. For white people, interactions with police are far less fatal than those of other ethnic minorities. You've likely never been told "You're pretty for a white person". Your skin color or sexuality hasn't been used as a colonization fetish.
Just because you're privileged doesn't mean you're a bad person. It just means that you were born with certain qualities that don't make you a target by racists/sexists/homophobes/transphobes/etc.
recognize your privilege
In conjunction to the previous point, you have to understand how your privilege works in your favor.
Like the point mentioned above, in a country that promotes white, cis, heteronormativity, there are advantages you are given purely if you fit that criteria. Less likely to be harassed and killed by cops, more favorable outlook from jobs (yes, even in the age of DEI, white people still are favored over POC in the job market).
On top of this, recognize that anything you do in support of communities will have consequences. This was something that I hadn't thought of until watching F.D.'s video where he uses the movie Blindspotting to illustrate the "homie" ally. Essentially, the actions of an ally with privilege, even if made in good faith can often have disastrous consequences for the people you are trying to support.
There's also a lot of people who call themselves allies, but when shit hits the fan they can turn that allyship off. As mentioned above, non-oppressed demographics have the privilege to close their eyes and stop listening. People of color can't turn off the color of their skin. Queer people can't not be queer people. But you as a person who is part of the same demographic as the oppressor can turn off your support. You have the privilege that would allow you to assimilate into these oppressive groups. Your day ends, theirs doesn't.
To give you a historical example, you might have seen that photo of Bernie Sanders getting hauled off by police. He wasn't getting his shit kicked in by police. He wasn't getting a firehose sprayed at him. He didn't have a K9 unit ripping his arm off. He was being carried away by police. He got off easy, and that's because he is a white man.
For more on this one, I recommend watching this video from the channel Sensei Aishitemasu. It basically sums up this section and largely echoes sentiments I've carried for years, it came out in 2016 and is STILL useful today.
You have had the privilege up to the point you first became "woke" to be ignorant of marginalized people's struggles, and you have the privilege to go back to that state of ignorance, keep that in mind.
stop making it about you
To quote Socko from Bo Burnham's INSIDE:
Why do you rich fucking white people insist on seeing every socio-political conflict through the myopic lens of your own self-actualization? This isn't about you! So either get with it or get out of the fucking way!
It's a sentiment I've had for a couple years at this point. It seems that allies have this sort of (un)conscious habit about making movements about them, White BLM protestors speaking over black people at rallies, Men talking over women about women's rights issues, Cis people talking over queer people about queer issues, etc. You aren't an expert. If you want to be an ally for marginalized communities then shut up and listen and let marginalized people speak their truth.
I know a lot of queer people don't particularly care if you fly an "ally" flag. From my perspective, why not just fly the LGBTQ+ flag? It almost seems like you don't wanna fully commit to your support. It just seems like another instance of making being an ally about you rather than the community you're trying to support.
Again, you aren't the expert here. Using myself as an example, I'm around a lot of people in the LGBTQ+ community, I could probably tell you a lot of what they experience. However, I am by no means an expert. I couldn't tell you what it's actually like to be trans or gay or any of that. I can only relay what I've been told by my friends. So, I don't try and speak from an experience I know nothing about, I simply try to amplify what my friends have experienced and use it to disrupt spaces they otherwise wouldn't be able to enter.
be an amplifier not a microphone
This point kinda ties into the point above of "it's not about you". Your role as someone trying to be an ally is to listen and amplify. Hear what marginalized people are saying, internalize it, and then amplify their voices. Amplify it when you march with them. Amplify it when you are in spaces that marginalized groups aren't. This goes with family, friends, anything. If you hear people speaking bullshit, call it out. White people are far more likely to listen to other white people than they will someone who is marginalized because you're largely seen as "one of them". They might still dismiss you, but they'll be slower at it because you look like them.
When I say "be an amplifier not a microphone" I mean be like how amplifiers are for concerts. Sit in the back, don't overtake the space, and help make the people who ACTUALLY are at the center louder (not talk over them, let marginalized people take the lead and you follow). Amplifiers aren't center stage, and that's for a reason.
get educated
History, particularly American history, is so comically white-washed it's not even funny.
History class has most of us believing that MLK did the "I have a dream" speech, then the civil rights act was passed, then MLK was sacrificed for our sins or whatever and then boom racism was defeated forever. Which obviously isn't the case. MLK was killed by the FBI until 5 years AFTER his "I have a dream" speech.
History class will completely skip over (if they even mention) the Black Panther movement being a Marxist-Leninist organization and more than just the angry dudes in the corner with guns in Forest Gump, or that MLK was socialist (he just didn't explicitly state it because that was basically a death sentence in the McCarthyism era instead, instead opting for an "anti-capitalist" approach which still gets skipped over).
Understand that likely what you were taught was incomplete at best and demonstrably false at worse. So, it is up to you to deconstruct similar to how people who left religious sects and have since deconstructed their belief systems.
Education can be small things too, like recognizing that "Gen Z slang" is just appropriated and watered down AAVE (see that MTV "Bling Bling" animated short).
stop burdening oppressed groups to educate you
The internet is free people, so if you really want to learn how the world works, how systemic racism came into the fold, go online and figure it out.
It's not the responsibility of oppressed groups to be your educator. There are people in these spaces who DO give recommended reading or are great at educating about these various subjects (F.D. Signifier being one of them), so find those guys and listen, but don't treat it like an expectation of everyone to tell you how you can "do your part".
understand that these issues are systemic, not individual
Systemic oppression isn't something that is going to be solved by any one person. It is going to take lots of people, fighting, for a prolonged period of time.
When people first become "woke" they're first inclination is to think "well, what can I do?". The problem is that you need to recognize that these issues go deeper than what any one individual can do. It takes a collective effort from a LOT of people over a long period of time, not just the grandiose actions of one person.
in closing
There's probably more things that need to be said that I'm forgetting. To quote F.D. Signifier in his video How NOT to be an Ally, "perfection in allyship is not your goal, allyship is your goal". You will fumble, you will fuck up, you're human. Recognize it and refine yourself.
Reply via email: me@absurdpirate.com
as of writing this...
Been wanting to write this article for a while, months ago I was gonna write an article just about my gripes with people who fly "ally" pride flags titled "just fly the fucking flag", but after some time and more reflection and more education, I felt this article was a bit more useful.