the performative male "problem"
I'm probably really tardy to this party, but I've been kinda wanting to talk about this performative male trend. You've probably seen it. Some tiktok sadboy, superficially reading feminist literature, carrying a tote bag, a labubu clipped to said tote bag, wired headphones, "listening" to records (usually by a female artist), drinking a matcha latte, wearing thrifted clothes. All done for the sake of the attention of women. It's the latest iteration of the guy who brings a guitar to a party to play Wonderwall.
Now as a wired headphone-wearing, matcha-sipping, Simone de Beauvoir-reading, vinyl record-listening man myself, I kinda wanted to comment on this and maybe provide a different perspective on this whole thing.
I've noticed "performative male contests", in which men on college campuses will compete on who can be the most "performative" to often hilariously hyperbolic results. A guy decked out in 10 tote bags, double-fisting Lana del Ray records, electric guitar on his back, was one that stood out to me.
I feel like another aspect of the performative male is this sort of dichotomy between the anti-consumption aspect of using vintage technology and wearing thrifted clothing with the hyper-consumerist aspect of Labubus. This sort of juxtaposition creates this sort of visual whiplash that can't be anything other than absurd.
However, I'm beginning to notice a problem. And it's not with the performative men themselves (mostly). For every 1 performative male, there seems to be 10 people creeping on complete strangers minding their own business. Reading in public? Performative. Carrying a tote bag? Boy who are you fooling? performative! Liking matcha? Performative JAIL!
The problem I'm seeing is once again, if men adopt a more "feminine" niche interest, it can only be done because they're trying to be fake or predatory. Which further stigmatizes men who would have otherwise shown genuine interest. Instead of inviting men to read and get invested in feminist literature, we proceed to demonize and gatekeep it as a "feminine" activity, or only for the "female gaze". This further perpetuates this gender divide and prevents open and honest progress.
If you find yourself agreeing with Fox News of all people, may need to reevaluate your stance.
I'm using air quotes when calling something feminine, because the feminization of these things is entirely superfluous. There is nothing inherently feminine about understanding the oppressive force the patriarchy has on all of us. There is nothing inherently feminine of green-colored tea.
To reduce men engaging in activities perceived as "for the girls" and handwaving it away as performative or manipulative, is misogynistic.
We've also reduced the ability of finding manipulators and predators to a certain "look". Predatory and manipulative people don't have a hivemind that makes them wear and dress the same way. Ted Bundy got away for so long in-part because he didn't "fit" the serial killer vibe check.
If you think you can detect a manipulator based on outward appearance alone, you cant.
So, before you whip out your camera to video tape some dude minding his business. Stop and consider what you're really achieving. Are you exposing a manipulator? Or are you just helping perpetuate harmful stigmas?
Pointing and laughing at trends is all fun and games, but I want you to try and look deeper into things.
Pirate is wearing all-black converse, black pants, pink tie dye Linkin Park tee
Pirate is feeling bored.
Pirate is listening to Pearl Jam
Pirate is playing Oblivion Remastered.
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