the yearn to conform
I've always considered myself a non-conformist, which saying that probably makes me sound like one of the goth kids from South Park. In some way, I've always rebelled against the status quo. I've always challenged authority, I've always challenged systems, hell even my manager has told me I'm someone who will ruthlessly question something until it makes sense or have figured out how to improve it.
I look back at my teenage years, a period of time where I think I gave into conformity for the sake of being "social". It was simple. I didn't have to think for myself, I just copied what everyone else was doing. I didn't push boundaries or question trivialities.
I think even now, I still sometimes wonder if I should just go back to that sort of state. Go back to having an iPhone, to windows, go back to social media, to doomscrolling. Go back to simplifying myself, my style, my wardrobe. But then I remember why I started pushing back so hard. The "simplified" version of myself as a mask. A costume. Social media was the drug that numbed me out. I started going down the path that I'm on because of what that simplified version was doing to me. I wasn't happy, just distracted, constantly. Everyone who knows me personally has seen the positive changes in my life, so why do I always go back to this sort of longing to conform?
I think it's a sort of comfort, predictability when it comes to conformity. Thinking for yourself and ruthlessly challenging monopolies, institutions, and traditions can be incredibly exhausting, but you owe it to yourself to do it as much as you can. These systems love taking advantage of people, they thrive on people being complacent. That's why you have to fight it.
I fight because the fight is worth having. Every trivial law I break, every norm I challenge, every time I violate my work's dress code, every time I tell big tech to kick rocks back to silicon hell, every time I speak out against evil, I do it because it needs to be done. If not for myself, I do it for others. To show them the power they have within themselves, give people hope. The aim is not just fight systems, but to help other people.
You see, conformity isn't just about not going against something, it's also complete inaction. When you conform, you don't stop and help the old lady who dropped her groceries. You don't feed the homeless guy sitting outside a grocery store. You do as everyone else, ignore it, think "I don't owe anyone anything" or "it's not my problem", and make the world slightly uglier.
I also think of my daughter. Do I want her to be someone who stands by and lets institutions take advantage of her and ignore people suffering? No. I want her to be a fighter, to be courageous enough to express herself, to question the traditions and institutions that insist upon their own legitimacy, and be damned what a conservative society thinks of it.
So, while it is "easier" to conform, the friction is what puts in the reps for action. It's a fight you have to choose to partake in, and it's a fight worth having.
We are where we are right now because we are scared of breaking rules. We try to fix the institutions based on their rules and their terms. Some day we will learn that civil rights movements didn't progress by just complying and trying to appeal to evil's better judgement.
Wake the fuck up, Samurai. Don't conform. Create, protest, reject the alluring illusion of convenience that big tech offers, do anything; for the love of humanity, keep fighting.
“One day you will be called on to break a big law in the name of justice and rationality. Everything will depend on it. You have to be ready. How are you going to prepare for that day when it really matters?” —James C. Scott
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as of writing this...
Going on a date night with my wife. Going to grab dinner and then go see the Super Mario Galaxy Movie. I hear it's kinda "meh", so my standards aren't exactly high going in... Speaking of high going in, smoked a bit of weed before walking into work. It's a Friday so hardly anyone's even here. I'm excited for my daughter's birthday next week. I got her a CD player. She loves music, so I also burned her a CD with all her favorite Wiggles songs on it. I'm ready for easter too, my wife got me a chocolate bunny and I am yearning to bite its ears off.